Growing up as a Twinkie, I don’t have much Asian identity, except for my appearance. It sounds cliché, but I am stuck between two worlds. Maybe this is why I’m so annoyed at blanket judgments based on appearance. I don’t fit in to some neat little category. As soon as an unenlightened individual realizes I don’t work in IT or engineering and don’t know karate, they’re dumbfounded.

Then there’s the Asian community. Twinkies tend to be shunned by Asians holding on to their cultural identity. I still don’t have any Korean friends. I learned a little about Korean-American culture, and it’s just starting to coalesce due to my recent interest.

After some reflection, I realized that I’m more Korean than I used to admit:

• I love spicy food. Whenever I go to a Thai restaurant, I tell the waiter, “When I say ‘5-star spicy’ I mean it. I’m Korean.”
• I love garlic. While I’m cooking, I occasionally peel an extra clove to eat it whole.
• The other day, I dressed up some artichoke hearts with red pepper, garlic, sea salt, and olive oil. It looked like ban chan (side dishes).
• I root for the underdog with few exceptions.
• I used to smoke cigarettes.
• One of my goals is to be able to afford private school for my daughter.

However, the whitewashing is pretty complete. Inertia is tough to overcome.

• My wife is from Texas but I’m more redneck than she is.
• I wear my shoes inside the house all the time.
• My Swedish vocabulary has eclipsed my Korean vocabulary.
• I still have karaoke anxiety. It’s a favorite activity among Koreans.

Despite the advanced degree of “Twinkification” I’m coming back around a little. I’m frequenting Kimchi Mamas and Rice Daddies more these days. I was saddened when I heard that the Namdaemun (Great Southern Gate) in Seoul burned down. I even talked about making some Korean food for Twilli to try one day!

It’s too soon to share some of these thoughts with my daughter, but it’s not too soon to start my own homework. I have no idea what to expect. You can find oases of multicultural acceptance today. It is my hope that the oasis becomes a pasture.

My mother always said that she wanted to bring together the best of both worlds. From my vantage point, she’s still very Korean. The one who really brings the best of both worlds together is my daughter.

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