However, being the best dad I can be is the most important thing in the world to me. Every year, I reiterate that point in my annual Father’s Day post. One of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is to ask yourself, “what is the most productive thing I can be doing right now?” Even though Twilli is off visiting America’s heartland, I still ask myself, “what can I do right now that will make me the best father I can be?”

For dads who share custody, I can just continue crossing things off the to-do list. I don’t need to be burying my nose in my laptop while she engages in attention-seeking behavior, bringing her out with me to run errands, or desperately hope she’ll watch a DVD while I do chores around the house. I like to clear my plate (or at least make it a little clearer) before I spend my time with Twilli.

Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there! Be the best dad you can be today, and every day!

Black Ops

Sometimes your child gets hooked on a DVD that you do not particularly like. Twilli has an off-brand no-name low-budget production of Cinderella on DVD. Twilli’s mom and I use the term “hecho en China” to describe it and other poorly executed knock-offs. It’s poorly animated and the dialogue at times sounds like it came from a web-based language translator. While Twilli is sufficiently distracted by some recent Little Einsteins DVDs, Cinderella will just vanish. It’s so bad, McKay‘s probably would reject it.

The Single Parent Dating Game

The last time I was an unrestricted free agent, a different collective bargaining agreement was in place. It was a simpler time, before Facebook and text messaging. The arrival of social media on our collective consciousness effectively abolished the “3 day rule.” The biggest change now is, I’m a single dad.

Circumstances also conspire against me here. I work an odd schedule and wrap shared custody around it. Many weeks, all my kid-free evenings are spent slinging pro audio gear to the masses who pass through the door at Guitar Center. I am socially liberal, politically moderate, spiritually ambiguous, and eat mostly vegan – definitely not the status quo here in in the Bible Belt.

Single parents are often summarily weeded out due to perceived “baggage.” Many people even state it explicitly in their online dating profiles.

The “us vs. them” sentiment toward non-parents also spills over into the dating world. I was on the other side of it and always respectful of family time and custody arrangements. Dating another single mom would mean I have to play the most epic game of Tetris with our schedules.

Father of the Year Award Goes to….

ME! Of course. When I started this blog, I wanted it to be a place people found knowledge and wisdom. All rookie parents hope they can pull it off and try their darndest. Then we come to terms with our limitations. Reality is the 18-wheeler and your dreams of being an All-Star Mom or Dad is a Mini Cooper. Which one wins in a collision? I’ve used the following tactics when faced by my limitations:

• Some breakfast ideas that come from outside-the-box thinking. As long as it has a good mix of simple and complex carbohydrates, protein, fiber, and fat, I’m good with it, especially if it can be eaten in the car… because I don’t get out the door early enough to make it on time for breakfast at daycare.
• Using several baby wipes in lieu of a bath.
• Letting the girl wear her Crocs in the dead of winter (while toting “real shoes” in reserve) because your resolve is already worn down after your futile attempt to coax her into proper footwear for the weather.
• One back-pocket option I have is a properly timed “sugar crash” to get the girl to bed at a reasonable hour. It’s not an option you can or should use often. It usually precludes the brushing of teeth.

These Aren’t the Droids You’re Looking For

You also surprise yourself sometimes. Who would’ve thought Jedi mind tricks would be a vital part of the parental repertoire? The Force is strong in this one.

Sometimes you wonder if you’ve crossed the line between modeling cooperative behavior and just giving in to the whims of a 3 year old.

Cooperation is abundant, but it has a spotty uptime record. When you’re racing against the clock, there isn’t time to go through an entire routine that weaves its way through myriad distractions to achieve your objective of buckling the girl into her car seat. Sometimes, you need to go with the “nuclear option.” Let her flip out because you’ve forced her against her will. But take solace in the fact that few have the capacity to go from pissed to blissed in a matter of seconds like a 3 year old.

One thing parents worry about a lot is dressing their children properly for the weather. One morning Twilli wanted to wear a particular sweater, but rebuffed my efforts to put on another layer underneath. I then put the inner layer inside the sweater.

Early bedtime and Twilli rarely cross paths. One night, I decided to try a new tactic. I told her, “all the kitties, doggies, and horses are waiting for you in dream land. You have to lie down and close your eyes before you can go be with the kitties. They’re all waiting for you to give them kisses.”

Over the course of the following year, we witnessed an incredible transformation. This little peanut grew and grew. I grew as a person and discovered more about who I am. We wished Twilli a happy birthday once again.

2009 brought even more changes. After mastering autonomous ambulation, she moved on to expressing herself verbally. Twilli’s healthy chompers ensured that she could enjoy grown up food.

As she develops and grows, none of it really seems like a surprise, but it is no less wonderful. Her personality was evident from the moment she arrived, but to see it come out as she grows is a delight.

This is the girl who pointed to her mom and said, “You! Time out!” On Mother’s Day no less!

Twilli is also fond of all animals. She especially loves dogs and cats. One day, she gets on all fours, turns to me and says, “Now I’m a kitty too! Meow!” Then she crawls away, continuing to meow.

Twilli, you are my truest of true loves. You’re 3 years old today and I love you even more every day. I can’t wait to see when you blossom into an amazing young girl, teenager, and young woman. For now, I’ll enjoy every moment as it comes.

The Editor’s Pick honor is well-deserved. Josh presents She’s leaving home. Bye, bye. posted at Raging Dad.

Since my posting schedule is very relaxed, you have no excuse. Visit the Discovering Dad October 2008 Carnival now.

Subscribe to my RSS Feed!

Subscribe in a reader

Subscribe to 21st Century Dad by Email

“It’s never goodbye. It’s just later babe!”

How someone signed my yearbook in 12th grade.

I have been experiencing things that I’m not comfortable sharing in a public forum such as this. These things are in the forefront of my mind, and it has made writing difficult. You can only write about what you’re thinking about.

My choice since day one of this blog has been to be open and transparent, while maintaining a fuzzy and invisible line. In most cases, I am withholding for the sake of others in my social sphere and not solely motivated by my own natural desire for some privacy.

Longtime readers know that I write quality content and that requires a significant investment of time. That is time that I cannot spend on higher priorities such as putting solutions in place.

I cannot responsibly spend time on activities that do not serve my family’s needs. I enjoy writing for this blog and interacting with my readers. Traffic has steadily grown since its inception. Ad revenue has not grown at the pace anticipated.

This blog has been a labor of love and inspired by love. With so much invested, it would be a shame to abandon it. Often, a blog’s breaking point comes shortly after times like these. With resources stretched thin, something has to give.

I am electing to go on a significantly reduced posting schedule instead of saying goodbye. You have to be steadfast in pursuit of your goals, but you also have to stop to smell the roses. You’ll hear from me, but not nearly as often.

This offer is subject to change. Void where prohibited by law. 21st Century Dad reserves the right to come back with quality content, a more frequent posting schedule, and do some butt-kicking of extraordinary magnitude.

Last night’s triple overtime thriller of a game meant a late night. My friend Greg was able to fly up to Detroit and get a couple tickets to the game. It would’ve been cool to see the RedWings win it all. Greg is a RedWings fan, and I would’ve loved for him to see his team win the Cup. I’m a little fried today between a late night and an early morning meeting with a client. I’m going to make this quick.

JustDaddys.net is a new forum for dads. Jason, the site administrator extended me a personal invitation to join. It’s still in the early stages, but this is where it can be fun. As an early adopter, you have a chance to shape the tone and feel of the forums.

The user base is growing every day. Jason already has tons of great discussion forums already in place. Everything is covered – you can get advice on dealing with an unruly teen or how to calm a colicky baby. Not only is this a place for dads to be dads, but it’s a place for dads to be men. There are discussion forums about plenty of guy things, like sports, cars, and gaming. It’s not a total sausage fest. Moms are welcome too.

When you sign up, please be sure to put “Elliott” (spell it with two T’s please) as the user who referred you. I’ll be totally transparent here. Jason is running a contest and awarding a prize to the top referrer of new users. Don’t let me have all the fun. Spread the word and you’ll get a chance to win too.

If you want to get in on the fun, here are the rules:
1. All referrals must sign up with the site by 11:59PM July 3rd 2008 to be considered a complete referral.
2. All referrals must have a minimum of ten (10) posts before July 13th 2008 to be considered a complete referral.
3. Both Referrer and Referral need to PM me the below items in order to be considered a complete referral.
a. Referrals PM me the name of the Referrer
b. Referrers PM me the name of the Referral
4. For each referral that is completed correctly the referrer will earn a chance to win the prize.
5. Prize will be a $30 dollar gift certificate to the store of your choice (limited to what is in my area to purchase, PM me with requests)
6. Decision of winners and prizes is completely up to me and names will be drawn from a hat randomly at the conclusion of the contest.

Please visit JustDaddys.net and take a look around. You’ll be glad you did.

Subscribe to my RSS Feed!

Subscribe in a reader

Subscribe to 21st Century Dad by Email

Photo: dbking

We have a 3 day weekend courtesy of the United States government. There’s nothing wrong with barbecues, picnics, or a trip to the beach. Just don’t forget why we have this occasion on our calendars. Regardless of your feelings about the current conflict in Iraq, the US military has done many great things.

I’ve been covering some heavy topics lately, so it’s time to take a little break.

Twilli Pie

It started as my daughter’s online moniker. Now we call her Twilli, Twill, or Twilli Pie all the time. Somehow, it stuck and it just fits.

When it was time to start thinking of names, we came up with Ariana pretty quickly. I didn’t want to feel like a slacker, so I made a sizable list. The trendy names and more pedestrian names were conspicuously absent. Renee and I both liked Ariana just fine. Sometimes the first choice is the best.

Here she is, sportin’ a faux-hawk.

The Accidental Freelancer

“Let’s start you off on a 1099 for now.” really means, “I don’t think we’ll need you for more than a month or two.”

I don’t get enough visitors and clicks to live off AdSense (yet). Employment from outside the home is definitely a high priority right now. However, a number of factors are influencing me to explore free agency.

The thought of living contract to contract is scary. Just like any endeavor with high risk, the potential reward is much greater.

Oh wait, I said we were taking a break from heavy topics. Oops!

Spending Less Time With Stanley This Year

Watching the Stanley Cup Playoffs is much less of a priority these days. Maybe it would jump the queue if the Panthers could get their butts in gear next season. I kept up with the scores online, but I haven’t watched a game until this past Saturday. I love hockey, but being a dad is priority #1. With my jam-packed schedule, something’s gotta give.

What The Blogosphere Looks Like From Here

I promised more lighthearted fare here today. I already tripped up. I’m outsourcing to Jim for the laughs today.

I’ve recently become a fan of The Baglady. I used to think there were only FOB’s (Fresh off the Boat) Asians and me, as the lone twinkie pariah. Xin’s personal accounts tell me that you can be socially well-adjusted as an Asian-American.

Ron at The Wisdom Journal just plain rocks. You can find insightful articles on personal finance, career advice, and killer guacamole. If that doesn’t entice you to visit, he can tell you how to get out of a speeding ticket.

Boogiemum has done the legwork on finding free or cheap activities for your children this summer.

This one is long overdue, but the topic is timeless. Laurel at Parenting Diva presents us with 20 Things to Consider Before Having Children.

This one is even more overdue. GTA4 is flying off the shelves. I promised to share. Tom Hanson from Open Education gives us a Q&A with Lawrence Kutner, author of Grand Theft Childhood.

Subscribe to my RSS Feed!

Subscribe in a reader

Subscribe to 21st Century Dad by Email

Making The Shift To Vegetarianism

Growing up in the United States means you were told that meat is an essential source of protein and other nutrients. The livestock industry is subsidized by our government. Vegetarians are seen as weirdos. It’s all about the beef here in the land that brought you the golden arches and hardened arteries.

Eating meat has become less appealing. I still enjoy the taste and texture of many meats, but it takes a toll on my conscience. Stories about factory-farm raised chickens and the treatment at cattle feedlots are almost enough to make me want to swear off meat. I’ve already stopped eating veal. These calves are kept in the worst conditions and slaughtered within days of being born.

Being a better steward of our Earth and vegetarianism go hand-in-hand. There are environmental reasons for going vegetarian. Did you know that:

• Eating a vegan diet reduces more carbon emissions than replacing your conventional car with a hybrid.
• Approximately 55 square feet of forest is destroyed for each hamburger that originated from animals raised on rainforest land.
• One pound of beef requires an input of approximately 2500 gallons of water.
• One pound of soy requires 250 gallons.
• One pound of wheat requires only 25 gallons.
• With the water used to produce a single hamburger, you could take a luxurious shower every day for two and a half weeks.

Activism isn’t going to turn us all vegetarian overnight. However, we can all do a little to reduce the demand for meat. A decrease in demand will not go unnoticed by the livestock and poultry industries. Fish farms do their share of damage to mother Earth too. There’s wild-caught fish, but are we fishing faster than the supply replenishes? One has to wonder.

Quitting Cold Turkey Cold Turkey

I’m not prepared to go full-time vegetarian, despite the benefits. Special dietary needs and travel don’t mix well. It really puts a damper on “souvenir dining.” I still know people in Philadelphia. There’s nothing quite like a steak from Rick’s in Reading Terminal. Mmm mmm. And what about sushi? Butter makes everything taste better. As of today, going 100% vegan is out of the question. There’s a little thing called feta cheese that’s near and dear to me.

I continue to unsubscribe from long-held beliefs on my personal development journey. Everything is on the table. What I decide to eat is also under the scrutiny of this audit and subject to change. I truly believe there is a better way.

Subscribe to my RSS Feed!

Subscribe in a reader

Subscribe to 21st Century Dad by Email

I’m encouraging you to think about Father’s Day a month early. Time seems to speed up when we become parents. A month will be over before you know it. Start thinking. Start shopping.

When I started writing this blog, I somehow knew that a lot of moms would read it. Take a look at the comments here. Many moms stop by.

Au-Teen had a sleepover on Friday night. His best friend T came over. I swear, the two of them are like star-crossed lovers. (I’ll tell you more later. The relationship dynamics between Au-Teen and his friends is entertaining.) T lives 20 miles away in Au-Teen and mom’s old stomping grounds. That might as well be 100 miles to two boys without easy transportation at their disposal. We dropped T off at his house this morning so we could all continue with Mother’s Day plans.

Mom wanted to find a nice place to eat and enjoy being out and about. We indulged her in some window shopping at the Shops at Midtown Miami. Strolling through Target would break down our frugal defenses far too easily. Furniture is not, and should never be, an impulse buy. We were safe at the West Elm showroom.

The Shops at Midtown Miami is yet another micro-mecca of American consumerism. Despite the debt-bloating potential of this place, it’s a great outdoor setting for spending leisure time. If a courtyard has art by Romero Britto, it has some cred with me.

We took advantage of some gorgeous north light in our bedroom to take some photos. Taking photos in front of a large window with sheers is some of the most gorgeous natural light to photograph in. Such a large diffuse light source can make anyone look good. You do not need a fancy camera to get great photos in this setting. With a little help from a Nikon SB600 flash unit, I supplemented the natural light with some diffuse fill light bounced off the ceiling.

Priceless Moment #807,200,730,801,112,873

Sometimes a picture falls 1000 words short of the old proverb. I’m speechless.

Finally, I baked a cake for Renee. The shortest path to her heart is through the pastry section. I called upon some seldom-used skills and baked a cake. Most of my work in the kitchen has more nutritional density, but hey, it’s mom’s special day. GeekMom, are you paying attention? 21st Century Dad can bake cakes too.

This mother’s day tribute cannot be complete without a nod to my own mother. She raised 3 children and ran a business. I have no idea where she stored all the energy in that 5-foot-nothing-90-pounds-soaking-wet body. I think I turned out OK, and so did my sisters. Without moms, none of this would be possible. Happy Mother’s Day.

Subscribe to my RSS Feed!

Subscribe in a reader

Subscribe to 21st Century Dad by Email