My truest of true loves turns 4 today. In years past, I recounted how fast time flew by and how wonderful it was to see her make the strides she has made. Every year, around her birthday, I look at old photos of her. Most of the times I browse my photo library, I also look back one, two, three years ago to the day and see what she looked like. Even when she was just a few months old, I could see how “grown up” she looked, especially while sleeping. We would see the “Future Twilli” when she was asleep. Now, when she sleeps, we see the “Baby Twilli.” When she is awake, she looks so small, but sprawled out and asleep on the bed, she looks so huge.

It’s very clear when we decided she would be referred to as “Twilli” online and Ariana in person, but it’s a little fuzzy as to when Twilli became her de facto name. While Ariana is a beautiful name, it’s a little strange to hear it and even stranger to call her Ariana. When I’m mad at her, I still call her Twilli. One of my co-workers sounded disappointed when I told him it doesn’t say “Twilli” on her birth certificate.

On her 4th birthday, I am going to do something a little different than what I have done in years past. This is my first letter to you.

Dear Twilli,

If you are reading this, you probably found your way here via Google. I hope I don’t embarrass you too much. After all, fathers of beautiful girls by default embarrass their daughters to no end. It is my sworn duty to embarrass you, scare off unworthy suitors, and keep you on a path that’s true and good. You might think I’m an old fuddy-duddy, and I’m OK with that. As a matter of fact, I am a bit of a fuddy-duddy. You won’t catch me being an absent father, off re-living my adolescence (or continuing to live it) like many men do. Just ask your mom about her dealings with PapaStan. I’m sure your friends will also agree that their fathers embarrass them too. See, now you have empirical evidence.

It was obvious from day one that you possess a strong will. I cannot change that, nor would I ever want to. That is what makes you Twilli. You do not always obey me, but I take comfort in knowing that when the situation calls for you to be steadfast, you can stick to your guns and not let anyone take advantage of you. I’d rather you have a little too much grrr than not enough. Your “double fire” disposition will serve you well in life if you channel it the right way. Remember to do right by you, me, your mom, and the world. There’s an old book that your grandma and PapaStan love very much. I don’t read it as much as they do, but there’s some good advice in there.

Love,

Dad

September is Live Insurance Awareness Month. September is almost over. Where did the time go? Just because Life Insurance Awareness Month is about to pass, it doesn’t mean we can stop thinking about it.

As a single man, I never gave a second thought to life insurance. Who would benefit from it? I wanted every penny of my paycheck that I was entitled to so I could spend it on fun things. Living in an epicenter of scam artistry raised insurance premiums all around. I had contentious sentiments toward the insurance industry. I only wanted the minimum to stay in the good  graces of the law.

All that changed after Twilli was born. I know how important it is, but I dragged my feet (and other body parts). I wondered where I would find the money in my already tight budget for a life insurance premium.

How to Buy Life Insurance

Life Insurance and the Stay-At-Home Parent

Where to Go For More Information

Nursery Decoration on a Budget

Let’s be honest, being charged with the task of decorating your child’s nursery is scary enough without having to worry about the costs involved. Most families are living on a tighter budget these days, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t still supply your newborn with the nursery that they deserve. Hiring home decorators and buying new baby furniture can come with quite a hefty price tag. With a little creativity however, you can easily decorate your baby’s nursery by yourself for a fraction of the cost and surprisingly little effort.

One of the easiest ways to decorate a nursery is with some homemade or store bought stencils. With stencils, you can add some character to your child’s room without having to resort to expensive wallpaper. Wallpaper can be a real pain, especially if you’re installing it by yourself. By painting with stencils, even a dad with no artistic ability can create great looking wall art on for very little money. Stencils can usually be found at any art supply or crafts store and come in a variety of shapes and designs. Once you have your stencils, practice painting with them on a scrap of wood or drywall. Practice makes perfect and the better your painting skills, the less time and effort it will take to get your nursery walls looking just right.

When decorating your nursery walls you may be tempted to go with more traditional colors like pastels. While these colors are nice and give the room a nice tone, baby’s eyes are underdeveloped for the beginning stages of their lives and they have difficulty distinguishing soft colors. Be bold and paint your nursery with bright and vibrant colors! Not only will it make for a more interesting nursery, but your child will actually be able to see the designs which will make the room more engaging for your son or daughter. Simple tricks like these will help take the pain out of room decoration while also making the most of every last penny.

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My only experience with childbirth was a natural one attended by a midwife. When Renee asked me to go see “The Business of Being Born,” I thought, “I’m already a believer, why do I need to see it?” I’m glad I did. My own personal experience made me a believer. This film strengthened my convictions.

Intrinsically, I knew that a natural childbirth was best, but I wasn’t going to push it. It’s our baby, but her body. Renee would have the final say on this one. She chose a natural childbirth with a midwife and has elected to breastfeed for as long as it’s feasible. I am thrilled at her decision.

Childbirth In the U.S.

I always thought a woman could opt for an un-medicated vaginal birth in the hospital. The OB/GYN was on-hand just in case something went wrong. The film shows you that’s not the case. This is the typical chain of events that will follow after a woman in labor is admitted:

1. An expectant mother is sick of being pregnant. She wants to get this baby out.
2. She asks for an epidural.
3. She’s so zonked out, she can’t push properly
4. Pitocin is administered via IV to induce contractions.
5. The baby isn’t coming out. More pitocin is administered.
6. The contractions are so strong, the baby goes into distress.
7. An emergency C-section becomes necessary.

The United States is supposed to be the most technologically advanced nation in the world yet it has the second highest newborn mortality rate in the developed world.

It seems like everything we do in the United States is backwards. (Don’t get me started on the metric system) According to the statistics quoted in the film:

• 70% of births outside the United States is attended by a midwife. It’s less than 8% in the U.S.
• In 1900, 90% of births in the U.S. were home births.
• In 1938, the number dropped to 50%.
• By 1955, it was less than 1%. It remains that number to this day.

When I did a search for Pitocin on Wikipedia, it takes me straight to the page on ocytocin. In all fairness, pitocin is the synthetic version of ocytocin. Rats. I thought I had uncovered a little conspiracy. However:

• Ocytocin is produced in the brain. Pitocin is administered intravenously.
• Ocytocin has a chance to act on the brain before it’s released into the bloodstream. Pitocin does not.
• Ocytocin enters the bloodstream in surges. Pitocin comes in a steady stream via IV.

The C-Section Factory

I remember in school, during a discussion about childbirth, a student piped up and said he was delivered via C-section. The first thought that popped into my head was, “I always knew there was something a little ‘off’ about this kid. I didn’t realize how commonplace it is.

I understand that a C-section is medically necessary in certain situations. In cases where it’s a high-risk pregnancy (diabetes, multiples, other medical conditions) it’s the only option. There was no way Kate Gosselin could deliver the sextuplets vaginally.

Too Posh to Push

We live in a performance and results oriented society. Natural childbirth offers too much of a margin for some schedules. Celebrity moms, career-track moms, and many others are electing for the “scheduled C.” An even more disturbing trend is the c-section and tummy tuck package deal.

The motivation behind an elective c-section is often fear. Much of what we know is from the media we absorb. In movies and on television, 3-month old babies are cast as newborns. A 3 month old baby is significantly larger than a newborn. A woman might see that “newborn” on TV and think, “no way am I going to push something that big out of me!!!”

The Choice is Ultimately Yours

I’m only qualified to speak to you about this from the father’s point of view. I wasn’t the one whose body would be irreversibly altered by this experience. I wasn’t the one doing the pushing. I wasn’t the one who could opt to be medicated. However, I have made decisions in the past while disregarding an entire set of data that in retrospect would have changed the decision I ultimately made. Those decisions are insignificant next to the birth of my child.

The birth of a child is the most profound experience you will ever have. All of the options available to you are worthy of your due consideration.

Buy “The Business of Being Born” on DVD.

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Last week, Tyler from Building Camelot asked me to contribute to his series on Bringing Home a Second Baby. Tyler and his wife are expecting any day now!

In this multi-part series, you will read all about:

• Helping your first child understand what’s about to happen.
• The first meeting between the two children.
• The first time time you actually bring the baby home.

Follow the link here to read the first installment of the series on Bringing Home a Second Baby.

You will also read some great stories by Chris from DadOfDivas.blogspot.com and Jeff from Daddy’sToolbox.com.

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Photo: mrhayata

Before fatherhood, I used to look at my friend Dan and think, “oh cool. He only has to see his daughter every other weekend and on Wednesday nights.” After fatherhood, I think, “He only gets to see his daughter…”

Whatever the real numbers are, we see more single parents today. In such arrangements, the father’s role runs the gamut from total deadbeat to being as involved as possible.

Fatherhood is being redefined. Men are balancing traditional expectations and taking a more active role in parenting. This is true, even with non-resident fathers. These men have to make the most of their every-other-weekend and one night a week arrangement.

As a resident father, I enjoy the constant presence of my children, annoying teenage habits nonwithstanding. This affords me quantity and quality, but what about non-resident fathers? They too can offer the same, and some additional benefits.

According to Garret D. Evans and Kate Fogarty, non-resident fathers who are involved in their children’s lives still have a positive impact. These children:

• tend to get higher grades than those without involved fathers.
• seem to have better social skills. They can make friends more easily and handle difficult social situations better.
• tend to have fewer behavioral problems. In fact, even when not living with their children and their children’s mother, fathers who were actively involved with their children kept them from getting involved in problem behaviors as teens
• have fewer mental health problems as adults (especially true for daughters).

Fathers today recognize the benefits to their children and to themselves. This is still true for the non-resident father. He may even be more acutely aware of it due to the limited time he has with his children. He needs to make the most of every other weekend and one night a week.

Further Reading:

Dads, Be a Hero

Father Involvement After Divorce

Co-Parenting and Father Involvement

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I’m on break, but it would be wrong if a dad blogger didn’t acknowledge Father’s Day. I have a freelance project that will take up a good part of my time this next week. I don’t want to be wrought with guilt on Thursday when I still haven’t posted. Yes, I’m on break. For real! This is worse than quitting cigarettes.

Father’s Day is a quiet day around here. I decided that instead of being treated like a king, it’s my day to reaffirm and reflect upon what it means to be a father and be the best dad I can be. Today is the day to do what you normally do, but better. Show your family why you’re the best dad ever:

• Call your own father and wish him a Happy Father’s Day.
• Say an extra “I love you” to your spouse and your children.
• Put extra special effort into a meal you prepare for your family. Save the shells ‘n’ cheese for another night.
• Help out around the house.
• Play video games and let your kids win… as if that doesn’t already happen!
• LISTEN to your children.
• Give your children one more hug.
• Laugh with your children.

I received a pleasant surprise yesterday. Chelle from It Might Be Love sent me 250 Entre Card Credits! She won Dance of Motherhood‘s Dad Blog contest. Her first act of kindness was to nominate my blog. Then she upped the ante by giving me a share of her winnings. Thanks!

Here’s a shout-out to all the cool dads I’ve met in the blogosphere. I did the same thing for my favorite mom bloggers on Mother’s Day. Not all of these dads write parenting blogs, but each is written by a cool dad:

• Dad Thing
  
• From Mike
• Happy Family Matters
• Frugal Dad
• Metro Dad
• Pro Blogger
• Rice Daddies
• Steve Pavlina
• Strobist
• Surf Jedi’s Musings
• The Busy Dad Blog
• The Wisdom Journal
• TipDad

I’m on break (much of this post was composed a few weeks ago), so posts won’t come as frequently. Subscribing to my RSS feed is the best way to find out when I stop in to say hello again. You can still browse the archives. I left a hidden gem for you to find somewhere on this site.

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Happy Father’s Day!

The usual response was a look of indifference. This is the default smokescreen for adolescent insecurities. What he doesn’t understand is, I’m not here to exploit the insecurities for a cheap ego boost. My goal is to help him overcome them. He doesn’t always like my methods. Depending on the circumstances, I have R. Lee Ermey, Wayne Dyer, Mr. Miyagi, or any combination of the 3 rain down on his ass.

Learning how to read the route map and timetables would address some developmental needs. An understanding of time is one of those needs. I thought I had the perfect package to wrap this lesson in.

The Promise of Autonomy Didn’t Close The Sale?

Adolescence is a time to assert autonomy. I told Au-Teen that riding the bus would empower him. I also reminded him that using public transit is good training for life Europe and Japan. He was quiet at first, then he dismissed the notion with an admission of a deficiency in handling time-sensitive activities. The discussion reverted to subject matter requiring fewer brain cells.

Pushing The Right Buttons

Renee recently heard on the news that oil companies are making record profits. She used this little nugget to egg on our resident conspiracy theorist and anti-establishment advocate.

Renee told him, “you’re $#*@ing the oil companies by doing this.” and that got him interested right away. Further, she also suggested that this empowers him to see his friend T more often. He perked up some more.

Sticking It To The Oil Companies

This past weekend, I accompanied him on the bus to rendezvous with T. I was thrilled to go along. This was such a turnaround from the previous week’s edict of, “I hate the bus! I’m never taking the bus again!”

The difficulty level of this excursion required adult supervision and assistance. The previous weekend, we tried a simple one-bus trip. I would accompany him on the way there, but he would ride back solo. Unfortunately, the return trip required a search and rescue effort after he failed to catch the bus twice. The fool also wore all black on a scorching hot day. I guess forging one’s identity trumps comfort in the South Florida heat.

We caught the bus to Young Circle in Hollywood where we’d catch a connecting bus to the rendezvous point. We had about 20 minutes before our connecting bus would arrive. We used the time to explore The Arts Park before catching the connecting bus to Aventura Mall.

Aventura Mall is a connecting point for Miami-Dade Transit and Broward County Transit. This made it the ideal location to meet. The real reason is, we had about 30 minutes to kill and there’s an Apple Store. They pump some crazy gas into the store that makes you buy stuff. Having a baby is the antidote for it.

The boys see each other from across the room. The music starts…

Reunited and it feels so good
Reunited ’cause we understood
There’s one perfect fit
And, sugar, this one is it
We both are so excited
‘Cause we’re reunited

-Dino Fekaris and Freddie Perren

The return trip went smoothly. T has logged several hours in the Miami-Dade transit system, but Au-Teen is still very green. I will have to take a few more trips with him before I can let him go solo. He’s not the kind of guy you can just toss into the deep end of the pool.

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When I started writing this blog, I somehow knew that a lot of moms would read it. Take a look at the comments here. Many moms stop by.

Au-Teen had a sleepover on Friday night. His best friend T came over. I swear, the two of them are like star-crossed lovers. (I’ll tell you more later. The relationship dynamics between Au-Teen and his friends is entertaining.) T lives 20 miles away in Au-Teen and mom’s old stomping grounds. That might as well be 100 miles to two boys without easy transportation at their disposal. We dropped T off at his house this morning so we could all continue with Mother’s Day plans.

Mom wanted to find a nice place to eat and enjoy being out and about. We indulged her in some window shopping at the Shops at Midtown Miami. Strolling through Target would break down our frugal defenses far too easily. Furniture is not, and should never be, an impulse buy. We were safe at the West Elm showroom.

The Shops at Midtown Miami is yet another micro-mecca of American consumerism. Despite the debt-bloating potential of this place, it’s a great outdoor setting for spending leisure time. If a courtyard has art by Romero Britto, it has some cred with me.

We took advantage of some gorgeous north light in our bedroom to take some photos. Taking photos in front of a large window with sheers is some of the most gorgeous natural light to photograph in. Such a large diffuse light source can make anyone look good. You do not need a fancy camera to get great photos in this setting. With a little help from a Nikon SB600 flash unit, I supplemented the natural light with some diffuse fill light bounced off the ceiling.

Priceless Moment #807,200,730,801,112,873

Sometimes a picture falls 1000 words short of the old proverb. I’m speechless.

Finally, I baked a cake for Renee. The shortest path to her heart is through the pastry section. I called upon some seldom-used skills and baked a cake. Most of my work in the kitchen has more nutritional density, but hey, it’s mom’s special day. GeekMom, are you paying attention? 21st Century Dad can bake cakes too.

This mother’s day tribute cannot be complete without a nod to my own mother. She raised 3 children and ran a business. I have no idea where she stored all the energy in that 5-foot-nothing-90-pounds-soaking-wet body. I think I turned out OK, and so did my sisters. Without moms, none of this would be possible. Happy Mother’s Day.

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Every expectant couple hears, “it goes by so fast.” Sometimes it’s followed by, “take lots of pictures.”

To commemorate the milestone, I used to set up the whole Strobist rig and dress her in a nice outfit. I haven’t done that this month… or last month. The number of photos I take of Twilli is on a downward trend. Maybe I just get a higher percentage of “keepers.”

Our video coverage has been spotty. It will have to step up soon. Twilli is quickly approaching the day she will take her first real steps. Just like we were ready with the “baby bag” during the last month of pregnancy, we must keep a video camera in a high state of readiness.

Sometimes I feel like I’ve neglected my family duty by not taking more photos. I have more digital imaging horsepower at my disposal than most of my peers. Now I realize I’d rather have a few great photos of my children than a bunch of mediocre ones.

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