My truest of true loves turns 4 today. In years past, I recounted how fast time flew by and how wonderful it was to see her make the strides she has made. Every year, around her birthday, I look at old photos of her. Most of the times I browse my photo library, I also look back one, two, three years ago to the day and see what she looked like. Even when she was just a few months old, I could see how “grown up” she looked, especially while sleeping. We would see the “Future Twilli” when she was asleep. Now, when she sleeps, we see the “Baby Twilli.” When she is awake, she looks so small, but sprawled out and asleep on the bed, she looks so huge.

It’s very clear when we decided she would be referred to as “Twilli” online and Ariana in person, but it’s a little fuzzy as to when Twilli became her de facto name. While Ariana is a beautiful name, it’s a little strange to hear it and even stranger to call her Ariana. When I’m mad at her, I still call her Twilli. One of my co-workers sounded disappointed when I told him it doesn’t say “Twilli” on her birth certificate.

On her 4th birthday, I am going to do something a little different than what I have done in years past. This is my first letter to you.

Dear Twilli,

If you are reading this, you probably found your way here via Google. I hope I don’t embarrass you too much. After all, fathers of beautiful girls by default embarrass their daughters to no end. It is my sworn duty to embarrass you, scare off unworthy suitors, and keep you on a path that’s true and good. You might think I’m an old fuddy-duddy, and I’m OK with that. As a matter of fact, I am a bit of a fuddy-duddy. You won’t catch me being an absent father, off re-living my adolescence (or continuing to live it) like many men do. Just ask your mom about her dealings with PapaStan. I’m sure your friends will also agree that their fathers embarrass them too. See, now you have empirical evidence.

It was obvious from day one that you possess a strong will. I cannot change that, nor would I ever want to. That is what makes you Twilli. You do not always obey me, but I take comfort in knowing that when the situation calls for you to be steadfast, you can stick to your guns and not let anyone take advantage of you. I’d rather you have a little too much grrr than not enough. Your “double fire” disposition will serve you well in life if you channel it the right way. Remember to do right by you, me, your mom, and the world. There’s an old book that your grandma and PapaStan love very much. I don’t read it as much as they do, but there’s some good advice in there.

Love,

Dad

September is Live Insurance Awareness Month. September is almost over. Where did the time go? Just because Life Insurance Awareness Month is about to pass, it doesn’t mean we can stop thinking about it.

As a single man, I never gave a second thought to life insurance. Who would benefit from it? I wanted every penny of my paycheck that I was entitled to so I could spend it on fun things. Living in an epicenter of scam artistry raised insurance premiums all around. I had contentious sentiments toward the insurance industry. I only wanted the minimum to stay in the good  graces of the law.

All that changed after Twilli was born. I know how important it is, but I dragged my feet (and other body parts). I wondered where I would find the money in my already tight budget for a life insurance premium.

How to Buy Life Insurance

Life Insurance and the Stay-At-Home Parent

Where to Go For More Information

The good folks at Wayfair offered to provide a guest post. I wrote about preparing for a baby’s arrival on a budget last year. That article was an overview of the monumental task of preparing for a baby’s arrival, which precedes an even more monumental task – preparing the baby. This post speaks specifically about decorating the nursery.

Nursery Decoration on a Budget

Let’s be honest, being charged with the task of decorating your child’s nursery is scary enough without having to worry about the costs involved. Most families are living on a tighter budget these days, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t still supply your newborn with the nursery that they deserve. Hiring home decorators and buying new baby furniture can come with quite a hefty price tag. With a little creativity however, you can easily decorate your baby’s nursery by yourself for a fraction of the cost and surprisingly little effort.

One of the easiest ways to decorate a nursery is with some homemade or store bought stencils. With stencils, you can add some character to your child’s room without having to resort to expensive wallpaper. Wallpaper can be a real pain, especially if you’re installing it by yourself. By painting with stencils, even a dad with no artistic ability can create great looking wall art on for very little money. Stencils can usually be found at any art supply or crafts store and come in a variety of shapes and designs. Once you have your stencils, practice painting with them on a scrap of wood or drywall. Practice makes perfect and the better your painting skills, the less time and effort it will take to get your nursery walls looking just right.

When decorating your nursery walls you may be tempted to go with more traditional colors like pastels. While these colors are nice and give the room a nice tone, baby’s eyes are underdeveloped for the beginning stages of their lives and they have difficulty distinguishing soft colors. Be bold and paint your nursery with bright and vibrant colors! Not only will it make for a more interesting nursery, but your child will actually be able to see the designs which will make the room more engaging for your son or daughter. Simple tricks like these will help take the pain out of room decoration while also making the most of every last penny.

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There are 5 expectant couples within my social circle right now. It’s an appropriate time to share my thoughts on this film.

My only experience with childbirth was a natural one attended by a midwife. When Renee asked me to go see “The Business of Being Born,” I thought, “I’m already a believer, why do I need to see it?” I’m glad I did. My own personal experience made me a believer. This film strengthened my convictions.

Intrinsically, I knew that a natural childbirth was best, but I wasn’t going to push it. It’s our baby, but her body. Renee would have the final say on this one. She chose a natural childbirth with a midwife and has elected to breastfeed for as long as it’s feasible. I am thrilled at her decision.

Childbirth In the U.S.

I always thought a woman could opt for an un-medicated vaginal birth in the hospital. The OB/GYN was on-hand just in case something went wrong. The film shows you that’s not the case. This is the typical chain of events that will follow after a woman in labor is admitted:

1. An expectant mother is sick of being pregnant. She wants to get this baby out.
2. She asks for an epidural.
3. She’s so zonked out, she can’t push properly
4. Pitocin is administered via IV to induce contractions.
5. The baby isn’t coming out. More pitocin is administered.
6. The contractions are so strong, the baby goes into distress.
7. An emergency C-section becomes necessary.

The United States is supposed to be the most technologically advanced nation in the world yet it has the second highest newborn mortality rate in the developed world.

It seems like everything we do in the United States is backwards. (Don’t get me started on the metric system) According to the statistics quoted in the film:

• 70% of births outside the United States is attended by a midwife. It’s less than 8% in the U.S.
• In 1900, 90% of births in the U.S. were home births.
• In 1938, the number dropped to 50%.
• By 1955, it was less than 1%. It remains that number to this day.

When I did a search for Pitocin on Wikipedia, it takes me straight to the page on ocytocin. In all fairness, pitocin is the synthetic version of ocytocin. Rats. I thought I had uncovered a little conspiracy. However:

• Ocytocin is produced in the brain. Pitocin is administered intravenously.
• Ocytocin has a chance to act on the brain before it’s released into the bloodstream. Pitocin does not.
• Ocytocin enters the bloodstream in surges. Pitocin comes in a steady stream via IV.

The C-Section Factory

I remember in school, during a discussion about childbirth, a student piped up and said he was delivered via C-section. The first thought that popped into my head was, “I always knew there was something a little ‘off’ about this kid. I didn’t realize how commonplace it is.

I understand that a C-section is medically necessary in certain situations. In cases where it’s a high-risk pregnancy (diabetes, multiples, other medical conditions) it’s the only option. There was no way Kate Gosselin could deliver the sextuplets vaginally.

Too Posh to Push

We live in a performance and results oriented society. Natural childbirth offers too much of a margin for some schedules. Celebrity moms, career-track moms, and many others are electing for the “scheduled C.” An even more disturbing trend is the c-section and tummy tuck package deal.

The motivation behind an elective c-section is often fear. Much of what we know is from the media we absorb. In movies and on television, 3-month old babies are cast as newborns. A 3 month old baby is significantly larger than a newborn. A woman might see that “newborn” on TV and think, “no way am I going to push something that big out of me!!!”

The Choice is Ultimately Yours

I’m only qualified to speak to you about this from the father’s point of view. I wasn’t the one whose body would be irreversibly altered by this experience. I wasn’t the one doing the pushing. I wasn’t the one who could opt to be medicated. However, I have made decisions in the past while disregarding an entire set of data that in retrospect would have changed the decision I ultimately made. Those decisions are insignificant next to the birth of my child.

The birth of a child is the most profound experience you will ever have. All of the options available to you are worthy of your due consideration.

Buy “The Business of Being Born” on DVD.

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I feel like such a blogger. I’m sitting here in a hotel lobby updating my blog. Just finished up a full day of work with a client on-site at their humongous corporate meeting with their people from all over the country. I might as well get some things accomplished here and wait for rush hour traffic to subside.

Last week, Tyler from Building Camelot asked me to contribute to his series on Bringing Home a Second Baby. Tyler and his wife are expecting any day now!

In this multi-part series, you will read all about:

• Helping your first child understand what’s about to happen.
• The first meeting between the two children.
• The first time time you actually bring the baby home.

Follow the link here to read the first installment of the series on Bringing Home a Second Baby.

You will also read some great stories by Chris from DadOfDivas.blogspot.com and Jeff from Daddy’sToolbox.com.

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