Photo: mrhayata

Before fatherhood, I used to look at my friend Dan and think, “oh cool. He only has to see his daughter every other weekend and on Wednesday nights.” After fatherhood, I think, “He only gets to see his daughter…”

Whatever the real numbers are, we see more single parents today. In such arrangements, the father’s role runs the gamut from total deadbeat to being as involved as possible.

Fatherhood is being redefined. Men are balancing traditional expectations and taking a more active role in parenting. This is true, even with non-resident fathers. These men have to make the most of their every-other-weekend and one night a week arrangement.

As a resident father, I enjoy the constant presence of my children, annoying teenage habits nonwithstanding. This affords me quantity and quality, but what about non-resident fathers? They too can offer the same, and some additional benefits.

According to Garret D. Evans and Kate Fogarty, non-resident fathers who are involved in their children’s lives still have a positive impact. These children:

• tend to get higher grades than those without involved fathers.
• seem to have better social skills. They can make friends more easily and handle difficult social situations better.
• tend to have fewer behavioral problems. In fact, even when not living with their children and their children’s mother, fathers who were actively involved with their children kept them from getting involved in problem behaviors as teens
• have fewer mental health problems as adults (especially true for daughters).

Fathers today recognize the benefits to their children and to themselves. This is still true for the non-resident father. He may even be more acutely aware of it due to the limited time he has with his children. He needs to make the most of every other weekend and one night a week.

Further Reading:

Dads, Be a Hero

Father Involvement After Divorce

Co-Parenting and Father Involvement

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Congratuations to the Detroit Red Wings - 2008 Stanley Cup Champions

2 grueling months of playoff hockey concluded last night with a thrilling 3-2 victory over the Pittsburgh Penguins. I haven’t been watching the games, but when Lord Stanley’s Cup is in the building, I am parked in front of the TV.

I have always watched in awe as these superb athletes fought the fight of their lives. These guys play an extremely physical sport while nursing injuries that have left me bed-ridden for days. Every year, I think of the adversities I have faced, and watching hockey inspires me to power through them, regardless of how beaten down I feel.

I am not Dr. Wayne Dollar Dyer or Deep-pocket Deepak Chopra, but today’s post is about personal development and triumph over adversity. As a long-time hockey fan, I have learned much about life by following this sport. As a parent, these lessons have taken on new meanings.

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Public transit provides relief from high gas prices. It also gives mom and dad’s taxi service a break. I’ve always lobbied for Au-Teen to learn how to ride the bus, and now he’s on board.

The usual response was a look of indifference. This is the default smokescreen for adolescent insecurities. What he doesn’t understand is, I’m not here to exploit the insecurities for a cheap ego boost. My goal is to help him overcome them. He doesn’t always like my methods. Depending on the circumstances, I have R. Lee Ermey, Wayne Dyer, Mr. Miyagi, or any combination of the 3 rain down on his ass.

Learning how to read the route map and timetables would address some developmental needs. An understanding of time is one of those needs. I thought I had the perfect package to wrap this lesson in.

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While I have some time between daytime contract jobs, I decided to spend most of the day yesterday with Twilli. We had a blast hanging out together all day long. I even helped out Renee by taking pictures of her new podegi baby carrier (pictured here). Yes, that can be considered working on the blog, but it was still time I spent with the baby. Today, it’s back to work full force!

Twilli is incredibly fun to be around right now. As she approaches the 9 month mark, her awakening to the world around her continues at an alarming rate. She is recognizing more within her surroundings. She is using her newfound, albeit limited, mobility at every chance she gets.

I learned a lot just by indulging a little in her. It felt great to spend an extended period of time with my daughter. I have to work a little harder today, but it was worth it.

Regardless of your schedule, make the time to be with your baby. I tell people all the time, “she’ll only be a baby once.”

The quality time I spend with Twilli is a spiritual and emotional boost. How many of you remember the old computer game F15 Strike Eagle? There was a glitch in the game that allowed you to continue flying even though you’ve run out of fuel. Pressing any of the number keys 1-9 and the “A” key (for afterburner) made the engines fire a short puff of propulsion. The smile, a moment of discovery, a squeal of delight as I make a goofy face, or a funny moment is like those little puffs of propulsion that I need just when I think I’m totally out of gas.

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Communication is central to every relationship. I dare say it’s the foundation. I touched on this briefly in a guest post over at 21st Century Parenting. The article addressed one of my pet peeves - people talking through walls and around corners.

Au-Teen does this all the time. As he’s walking out the door to go hang out with friends, he announces his intention in that sing-songy tone, “I’m going to hang out with Joel for a while.”

In our average sized home, he’s somewhat audible when he does this, but it’s a BAD habit. This isn’t communication. This is a teenage boy flapping his mouth under the assumption he’s been heard.

It almost bit him in the ass this past weekend. He went to the park with his friend Gabe. He announced this as he was walking out the door. I held him up.

“I was talking to mom.”

“No you weren’t. She’s not here. You need to address us face-to-face and get acknowledgment that your message was received. I’ll have none of this talking as you walk out the door crap please. See you later.”

I was more diplomatic in my guest post. We ran out of sugar, so you’re taking this one straight. I absolutely HATE IT when people try to have a conversation through walls and around corners. It’s one of the most annoying things Au-Teen does. Maybe it’s that sing-songy tone. Maybe he tries to weasel his way out of accountability when he’s called out for poor communication.

It’s often said, “pick your battles.” I’ll let him throw his dirty socks on the floor in his bedroom, but this one deserves a parental counter-attack of significant magnitude.

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