It has been a mostly painless transition. Taking care of things like getting a Tennessee driver’s license, registering my car (yes, I have a car now!), and getting administrivia taken care of is much easier in The Volunteer State.

You Live Where?

If you tell anyone who doesn’t live in Tennessee that you live anywhere else but Nashville, Memphis, Knoxville, and maybe Chatanooga, they think you live way out in the middle of nowhere.

The Job Market

Knox County has about 1/3rd of the population of Broward County and an even smaller fraction of what’s considered South Florida. One would think jobs would be even more scarce. It’s not the case. Take all the available jobs in South Florida. Subtract the ones that require you to speak Spanish. Now compare the job markets in Knoxville and South Florida. 1-0 Knoxville! If you include Oak Ridge, then prospects start looking better.

I wouldn’t mind having a regular job here. The pay is much more in line with the cost of housing here. With the pay scale being very close and a lower overall cost of living, it’s Knoxville 2, South Florida 0.

I could always use another freelance client. Know anyone who needs help with PowerPoint?

Culture Shock

I never knew customer service could be so good! Add a little southern charm and a smile, and your trip to Starbucks is just that much more pleasant. They say the pace of life is slower in the South. It has to be. The first 3 minutes of every conversation is almost always jockeying back and forth with different ways to say “how are you?” and “I’m doing fine, thank you!”

I stopped by Target in Clinton last week. (Again, Clinton sounds like it’s way out there. In reality, it’s only about 10 miles from Knoxville). I was looking around and Marisa Tomei’s voice spoke one of the many memorable lines from My Cousin Vinny. “Oh, you blend!” Within seconds of having that thought, I spy an entire Asian family. There’s a stronger Asian presence here than you would think!

I Don’t Need no Stinkin’ GPS

If I get a GPS, I’ll never learn my way around! I am a bit of a throwback. As connected to technology and web 2.0 as I am, the inner curmudgeon sits on my shoulder and speaks very loudly when I pass by the GPS units at the Super WalMart.

South Florida is laid out like a grid. Knoxville looks like what would happen if your toddler played Sim City. Planning ahead, Google Maps, maps of Oak Ridge and Knoxville, and I’m doing just fine.

Bad Drivers Are Everywhere

Ask anyone where the worst drivers are. They will invariably tell you it’s where they live. I’m disguised as a local, complete with a Tennessee license plate on a Jeep Grand Cherokee. You probably think that bad driver is a local. It’s really me – a recent transplant. I still have to say, South Florida wins this nefarious honor by a landslide. I turn on my blinker and in Tennessee, that means, “the car with the blinker on wants to turn or change lanes.” In Florida it means, “Let me finish typing this text message while I juggle my coffee and Mapquest printout.”

Quittin’ Time

It’s hard to believe that I’m finally getting on the road next week. Today was my last day at the job, and now I’m officially an “unrestricted free agent.” One might think there are fewer opportunities in a less populated metropolitan area. However, if you don’t include the jobs in South Florida that require fluency in Spanish, Knoxville probably comes out ahead by a wide margin.

Movin’ Out

Mama Leone left a note on the door. She said, “Sonny, move to Tennessee.” Or something like that…

I have about a gazillion things to do. It feels like there’s a never-ending avalanche of stuff. I’ve been in this house for almost 10 years. How can so much stuff accumulate if the Super Target by my house has only been open for 2 years?

I’ve shared this house with my mother, 5 different roommates, Renee, 4 cats, Austin, and Twilli. Throughout the process of packing and purging, I’ve found items brought into this house by all of the people who have shared this house with me.

Vacuum Sealed for Freshness

Packing is a monumental task made only slightly less monumental with vacuum-seal storage bags. I compressed a king-size down duvet into a package the size of a briefcase!

I especially like the hanging suit bags. Back in December during phase 1 of the relocation, we packed up Twilli’s stuffed animals in a Space Bag. For whatever reason, the vacuum-sealed stuffed animals inspired a strange fascination. It was borderline morbid.

These vacuum-seal bags work great for storage too. There are only 2 seasons in Florida – summer and tourist. I didn’t need to store any winter clothes. These vacuum-seal bags are great for stashing your seasonal clothing. Winter clothes are bulky. Plus, you can lock in their freshness, just like those bricks of coffee you buy at the supermarket.

I do have to offer up a word of caution. One of my roommates used these when she was going home to Sweden. They expanded in her suitcase during the flight!

Hitting the Road

I don’t anticipate being able to do much writing over the next several weeks. However, you can catch up with me via Facebook and Twitter. Those social media outlets are far easier to update on the fly and during random spare moments. I will definitely be Tweeting from the road next week.

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The day after Christmas, we said goodbye to each other at the Greyhound station in downton Knoxville. That was 48 days ago. That was the day I became a non-resident father.

We all have our good days and our better days. One constant is that I miss my truest of true loves. I still cry every day because I miss her. I know she misses me too.

I wonder what kind of litmus test it is if you’re doing something you never thought you’d be doing. I never thought I’d be separated from my child and her mother. I always swore up and down I wouldn’t repeat the mistakes made by so many couples. I vowed to make it work. I thought I was better than everyone else and immune to the pitfalls faced by blended families.

I spent a lot of time and energy being angry at Renee and Austin. Anger is a very effective mask to wear when you don’t want to feel pain. Sometimes, when asked, “so how are things going?” it was my cue to launch into a vitriolic diatribe.

The relationship that Renee and I have is evolving. We will always be mommy and daddy to this beautiful little girl, but we are living separate lives. We recently had what amounts to the “seeing other people” talk.

Forging Ahead

I chose the name “21st Century Dad” for my blog because I wanted to embody what a father is in the 21st century. Fatherhood today is a new paradigm too. Fathers share more of the parenting duties. Fathers today are more involved in their children’s lives. Many fathers today don’t live with their children. I don’t know what the exact statistic is, but split custody, visitation, and child support are commonplace today. I’m still a 21st Century Dad.

How many blogs continue with their originally charted course? Obviously, my life hasn’t taken the course I had hoped for, but I’m not complaining. There are  opportunities at every potential turn in life. This relief from the day-to-day responsibilities as a resident father is affording me great opportunity.

Riding the bus offers me ample opportunity to read. The most recent book I read was “The Art of War: In Sun Tzu’s Own Words” by Gary Gagliardi.

The Art of War is a military classic. However, most readers are business people, not military leaders. It is required reading in some business school curriculums. The lessons contained within apply to any competitive pursuit in our professional and personal lives.

It’s written in a very simple and clear style. It’s a breezy read, and almost too elementary sounding at times. The simplicity on the surface hides a richness of meaning within the text. You will need to pause and think while you read. Since the text addresses military situations, you have to do your own translation of the scenario to business or personal dealings in your own life.

You hear of people going to war too quickly.

Still, you won’t see a skilled war that lasts a long time.

You can fight a war for a long time or you can make your nation strong.

You can’t do both.

Sun Tzu’s 2000 year old military wisdom applies today, and he knew nothing of “weapons of mass destruction” or vast oil reserves in the desert.

The last chapter addresses the use of spies. You’re not managing spies, but you are gathering intelligence on your own life circumstances. You’re doing your research online. Your friend might work at a company you’re interested in working at.

I started thinking about my own life circumstances and how it feels a little bit like war. I’m separated from my child, and will be for several months. Now that my personal finances are thoroughly Chernobylized, I am forced to use Chapter 7. I can’t “go home” until the job is done. A case of MRE‘s purchased in preparation for hurricane season and stashed in the cupboard underscores the war-like feeling here even more.

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The Sand Mandala

My thoughts return to the first time I learned what a Sand Mandala is. An intricate pattern of colored sand is laid down by Tibetan Buddhist monks over several weeks. Upon its completion, the Sand Mandala is ritualistically and methodically destroyed.

You don’t know what you need until you don’t have anything. I still have too much stuff. eBay and craigslist have been helpful here. Here I am, in the midst of dismantling the life I have built for the past 35 years.

This is just as much a spiritual journey as it is one of financial rehabilitation. Some of this consumerist detritus can be converted into cash. Video games, photography equipment, electronics, and supplies for projects conceived but never even started only weigh us down. One tenet of Buddhism is that our attachment to material things is the source of our suffering. Only when we release that need, do we find enlightenment.

Of course, when I first learned that about Buddhism, I thought, “no way I’m giving up my Commodore 64!”

Fighting the Clutter and Winning

Sentimentality conspires against us. It makes us hold on to things and squeezes us out of a harmonious relationship with our home. It is our experiences, thoughts, ideas, and feelings that make us who we are. Do we really need to validate those things by holding on to physical objects that only takes up space?

Ironically, I feed someone else’s urge to purchase things as I offload items through eBay and craigslist. I’m selling instant and temporary gratification to alleviate the ill effects of my own journey. The extra cash is nice. It’s the last gasp of usefulness I will get from these items. Their potential energy has been pent up, buried within clutter and disarray. This last release keeps the lights on at home another month. It buys a bus pass. It buys groceries.

You don’t know what you need until you don’t have it. The packrat defends his ways by recounting the few times he needed an item that was recently discarded. The only thing I ever needed by holding on to things was more storage space.

This isn’t loss or destruction. It’s liberation.

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The Downward Spiral

A chain of events that commenced in 2006 wound its way through a business startup, a battle with depression, unemployment, a car accident, a staggering amount of consumer debt, getting my car repossessed, joining the ranks of homeowners in foreclosure, the loss of two pets, and relocating to another state. We put on a good show while remaining in the closet about the status of our home. We did a disservice to ourselves and to others by hiding our problems and hiding from our problems.

Starting Over

People who can’t afford to live in New York move to South Florida. People who can’t afford the cost of living in South Florida move to North Carolina and Tennessee. The cost of living isn’t terrible here.  What’s killing me is the huge disparity between the cost of living and the typical wages paid here.

We loaded up a UHaul trailer just before Christmas, and we spent the holidays with Renee’s family in Tennessee. I returned alone on a Greyhound bus to South Florida so I can pack up, sell, donate, or throw away what remains here. I still have work here, and will be moving in a few months. Establishing some remote freelance work means I can literally pack up and move my job too.

Tennessee Homesick Blues

Is it possible to be homesick for a place you’ve never lived before? It didn’t take long for Renee to figure out that I would love Tennessee. It reminds me of a southern version of Maryland. She used to joke that if we ever visited, I’d never come back to Florida.

Leaving this place where I have lived for 28 years got a lot easier by what awaits me at my next stop. My truest of true loves is in Tennessee, so that is why I belong there.

Nobody Invited Me to the Pity Party

And I’m not going to crash that party either. It was a precipitous fall to this lowest of low points in my life, but I am rebounding well. I am filled with optimism, faith, the lessons learned from my experience, and an exit strategy.

I don’t have the use of a car without calling upon the kindness of friends. The popular perception in South Florida is that a car is an absolute necessity to get around. The supposedly inadequate public transit system here in Broward County has filled my needs. I face many logistical challenges, but it is still a viable lifestyle. It’s also far less expensive than maintaining an automobile – even one that is completely paid off. Learning how to use public transit early on has eased my transition to this car-free lifestyle. Riding my bike was a cost-cutting measure. Now it’s one of my main modes of transportation. I also enjoy watching my waistline shrink. The money I save by not having a car will have to go toward a new wardrobe soon!

I am 900 miles away from my truest of true loves. Being separated from my daughter is the most difficult thing I have ever done. Circumstances that have incapacitated me in the past seem so trivial now. As great as this challenge is, I have never been better equipped to face it. I still cry every day because I miss my daughter, but somehow, I’m finding the strength to move forward.

Turning Things Around

The circumstances we find ourselves in has inspired me to reevaluate everything. Any and all previously held beliefs are subject to questioning and discarding. My sense of fiscal responsiblity lapsed long enough to find myself in this mess. Now I’m back on track, but digging myself out of the deepest hole I’ve ever been in.

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