The day after Christmas, we said goodbye to each other at the Greyhound station in downton Knoxville. That was 48 days ago. That was the day I became a non-resident father.

We all have our good days and our better days. One constant is that I miss my truest of true loves. I still cry every day because I miss her. I know she misses me too.

I wonder what kind of litmus test it is if you’re doing something you never thought you’d be doing. I never thought I’d be separated from my child and her mother. I always swore up and down I wouldn’t repeat the mistakes made by so many couples. I vowed to make it work. I thought I was better than everyone else and immune to the pitfalls faced by blended families.

I spent a lot of time and energy being angry at Renee and Austin. Anger is a very effective mask to wear when you don’t want to feel pain. Sometimes, when asked, “so how are things going?” it was my cue to launch into a vitriolic diatribe.

The relationship that Renee and I have is evolving. We will always be mommy and daddy to this beautiful little girl, but we are living separate lives. We recently had what amounts to the “seeing other people” talk.

Forging Ahead

I chose the name “21st Century Dad” for my blog because I wanted to embody what a father is in the 21st century. Fatherhood today is a new paradigm too. Fathers share more of the parenting duties. Fathers today are more involved in their children’s lives. Many fathers today don’t live with their children. I don’t know what the exact statistic is, but split custody, visitation, and child support are commonplace today. I’m still a 21st Century Dad.

How many blogs continue with their originally charted course? Obviously, my life hasn’t taken the course I had hoped for, but I’m not complaining. There are  opportunities at every potential turn in life. This relief from the day-to-day responsibilities as a resident father is affording me great opportunity.

Riding the bus offers me ample opportunity to read. The most recent book I read was “The Art of War: In Sun Tzu’s Own Words” by Gary Gagliardi.

The Art of War is a military classic. However, most readers are business people, not military leaders. It is required reading in some business school curriculums. The lessons contained within apply to any competitive pursuit in our professional and personal lives.

It’s written in a very simple and clear style. It’s a breezy read, and almost too elementary sounding at times. The simplicity on the surface hides a richness of meaning within the text. You will need to pause and think while you read. Since the text addresses military situations, you have to do your own translation of the scenario to business or personal dealings in your own life.

You hear of people going to war too quickly.

Still, you won’t see a skilled war that lasts a long time.

You can fight a war for a long time or you can make your nation strong.

You can’t do both.

Sun Tzu’s 2000 year old military wisdom applies today, and he knew nothing of “weapons of mass destruction” or vast oil reserves in the desert.

The last chapter addresses the use of spies. You’re not managing spies, but you are gathering intelligence on your own life circumstances. You’re doing your research online. Your friend might work at a company you’re interested in working at.

I started thinking about my own life circumstances and how it feels a little bit like war. I’m separated from my child, and will be for several months. Now that my personal finances are thoroughly Chernobylized, I am forced to use Chapter 7. I can’t “go home” until the job is done. A case of MRE’s purchased in preparation for hurricane season and stashed in the cupboard underscores the war-like feeling here even more.

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